something so small

Oh dear...I'm a blubbering mess...

I'm standing here in Layla's closet going through clothes and in true girl form I stop and started looking through all of the items I set aside to keep forever...this one is what started the emotional roller coaster.

This simple doll has so much love, emotion and tears soaked in it.

 

One day after Layla was born her neonatologist came in and said that Layla had meconium ileus because of her CF. Which means her poop was basically tar in her intestines that could not get out on it's own so they were sending her to Cook Children's and the ambulance was on its way?! That is a lot for this mom, who just had a baby, to handle.

When the Cook's team arrived at Baylor the very first thing they did was give me this doll and told me to place the doll in my bra so that it would smell like me and it could be close to Layla when I could not be. So I hugged, squeezed, prayed and loved this doll as much as humanly possible so that when it was next to my girl she would feel all that love and know that her momma was there and would always be there to love and take care of her.

 

 

Thank you Lord for sweet and kind of difficult memories that bring such joy.

Thank you sweet friends for being my prayer warriors and being such amazing friends.

 

xoxo,

jo

Cystic Fibrosis bites...ya, totally bites the big one and I hate it...I really do.  But the funny thing is that it has also provided for me some of the greatest joys of my life.  Crazy right?!  I prayed so stinkin' hard that Layla would be a perfect little punkin girl when I was carrying her and we then we found out she had CF.  Devastating.  The unkown.  Are we prepared for this?  What will her life be like?  How long will we have her?  What will life be like?  What will her doctors be like?  My mind was a tornado of emotions and questions and ultimately fear of the unknown. 
 
Funny thing about life is that God completely steps in if you ask Him to.  In my fear I fell on my knees and prayed that I be filled with everything I needed to be the perfect mom for Layla and that God protect her and fill her with JOY.  JOY...that word just kept coming up in my thoughts and prayers...JOY...in the midst of uncertain times ahead why on earth would the word joy be at the forefront of my mind?  What I didn't realize was that God had me, he had Layla, he had our family in His arms and he was whispering exactly what I needed to hear and be filled with and that was complete JOY in a trying and difficult season.

God answered and is still answering so many prayers with the word joy.  Every time we come to a season of unknown with Cystic Fibrosis God just whispers "joy" and I know that we are taken care of.  From Pseudomonas, to battling weight (needing to gain some), to the daily struggles in breathing treatments and other treatments we have to work into our crazy schedule.  We have found joy in it all.  Smiling all the way...

  Today I am going to choose Joy.  Today I am going to be thankful that Layla has gained a few pounds :)  Today I am smiling because no matter what is thrown at me and our family we WILL be okay, NO MATTER WHAT and that is good so good.

xoxo,
jo

Happy First Birthday Layla Jean...a year ago

When did it happen that my sweet Layla turned one...let alone almost two?  In just two short months my baby girl turns two.  It seems like just yesterday that Nathan was rushing...and I mean rushing me to the hospital because I was in labor with Layla and we're about to celebrate her second birthday.  We are completely blessed with our dancing, singing, giggling ball of energy and joy.  

As I am reminiscing about Layla's first two years I thought I'd look back at her first birthday party.  Oh what a party it was...We decided to invite all of Layla's prayer warriors so we could say thank you for getting us through our pregnancy and year of unknowns with Layla having Cystic Fibrosis.  Having most of our family and precious friends in one room was amazing.  We provided a dinner for everyone and we were able to say thank you and we love you to everyone who was there, a true blessing for Nathan and I.

Here are a few of my favorite pics from Layla Jean's first birthday...

a welcome wreath on the front door

Layla's smash cake...strawberry...so good :) she LOVED it!

I made her cake which was strawberry with homemade buttercream icing.

The fam

Layla's cousin and sweet friend Kaylee

some of the best friends we could ever have asked for...each of these people are a blessing 

Nathan rounded out the party by singing "Sleepy Jean" to Layla.  What a sweet moment.  Layla and Rhett danced along.

Completely blessed by these memories and cannot believe I will be posting her second birthday pics soon!

xoxo, 

jo